i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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