Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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