I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
