anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
