Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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