So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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