that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
