I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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