she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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