Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize
