You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
