i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
