you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
