I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
