My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
