Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
