I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
