Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
