dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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