i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
