I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
