I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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