I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
