I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
