Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
