You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
