Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
