I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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