He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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