I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
