I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
