At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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