My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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