overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
