actually, I'm a sock model
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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