i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
