I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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