I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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