Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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