He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
