I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
