if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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