apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
