End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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