i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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