I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
