hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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