I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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