i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
