"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
