ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
