she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
